This article points out a number of important things and is worth saving to reread from time to time. The skills of listening and thinking have diminished, replacing depth with shallowness. Conversation requires two-way considerate communication and respect for thought beyond one’s own. I’ll stop here and finally comment that you continue to increase my vocabulary!
"Narrative," eh? Why would I waste my time with "the narrative?" If I'm going to argue something, whether for or against, I'm going to be an old fogey and use FACTS, HARD DATA, and equally hard EVIDENCE.
After the last ten years, I did a deep dive, researching data on the average national IQ. Not surprisingly, the average national IQ is documented as 98. NINETY-EIGHT. I remember when that was considered "mildly developmentally delayed". :/
Thank you Mr. Moran. A thought provoking article. Yes, conversation takes work. It takes all of us to really “listen” not just hear the words. To generate the energy of all our brain synapses to engage in the words spoken and to listen to what people are saying. We’ve become lazy to a degree, we sit in front of a screen and told how to see things, to just hear the words versus the meaning behind those speaking, to really listen and engage in conversation. To stop for a moment and ask for clarification that our physical body used those two ears and the gray matter between them to cognitively understand what their viewpoints are. Find even myself already formulating a response back even before another person is finished speaking. Therefore have already disengaged in the “conversation” because the brain is working in a response from the beginning of their point being expressed. Experts say that the majority of people expressing their point while talking as well as listening is in their body language, believe it’s the 80-20 rule. That 20% of the words are expressed vocally and the other 80% is by their body language just as the listener. If that listener is crossing their arms or not looking at the speaker are they actually listening or just hearing the words making the sound waves move in the air.
Conversation may be an art form that requires both the speaker and listener to practice and become better at being engaged and truly understand each other versus leaning on whatever the “narrative” may be. Thank you for the reminder.
Thanks! You are so right about the non-verbal aspects of conversation. My mom used to tell us not to touch our faces when we talk. “It makes you look nervous.” I have no idea where she got that, but I’ve never forgotten it!
Just watch this Bondi hearing and the continued hair flipping Bondi does. If you turn down the volume and just watch her body reactions. When she attacks after reading that 3-ring binder she leans forward, a smirk of a smile in her face indicating a “gotcha moment” possibly in her mind. When performed under stress, hair flicking or touching is primarily a pacifying behavior used to self-soothe and regulate the nervous system. Here is how hair flicking functions as a stress response: A Self-Ventilation Flicks that shift hair away from the neck or ears are often "self-ventilating" actions. This helps cool the body down when nerves are stressed or psychologically uncomfortable. Rapid or jerky hair movements often reflect intense internal tension, acting as a subconscious "mini-therapy session" to channel emotional overload. small, unconscious movements like tapping a foot or biting nails that provide sensory feedback to calm the brain during uncertainty and anxiety. What’s interesting is she knows she’s lying but continues to do so by the body language she expresses from the smirking smile, leaning back and crossing her arms, and the attack body motions when she deflects the Dem questions. She’s a liar and knows it and took an oath to tell the truth before even testifying to this committee today.
Your comment about body language is an important one. Body language is very much a part of conversation but in today's world, how it's conveyed is changed.
Yes as many experts says non-verbal cues carry a lot of meaning for both parties – and it’s important to pay attention to them in any work or personal environment, whether in-person or remote.
For instance, it is not unusual to be on a video call where such rules are forgotten. Yet if a colleague positions their camera below the chin, forcing others to look up at them, “we don't like them as much as if they are on the same level”, says Ridell – the same phenomenon that happens in person. Indeed, data has shown that during video calls, factors like camera angles, distance from the camera and ability to make eye contact all impact how likeable people are perceived to be. And plenty of the components of in-person tacit communication have made their way into the digital realm, too – body language like eye-contact, posture, gestures and facial expressions; as well personal grooming, such as the hairstyles or clothes we choose to wear as well as the backgrounds displayed.
Good non-verbal communication means being willing to share something of yourself, and paying attention to others – much as you might in real life. Developing these skills in the digital world can reap long-term rewards for teams and individuals. “Society now is moving more online and away from face-to-face communication,” says Meurs-Karels. “But the need to be able to understand each other won't go away.”
How 'non-verbal communication' is going digital 2022
I think in the digital age, there is a lot to be learned here. I'll admit, I could use a course in this, and I appreciate the links you shared. Many years ago, when I began working professionally in the business world, my manager had me enroll in a course for non-verbal communication. It was extremely useful.
While retired now, taught adults classes on communication skills along with soft skills (emotional intelligence - believe they’re called that now) like problem solving and performance management. It’s always great to learn even when out of the workforce to stay abreast of the new technologies that are afforded. Times just as technology changes but at the core do believe people need to be able to understand each other and the human connection is vital for humanity to not be lost into an abyss.. everyday is a journey and it’s up to us to get up and figure it all out as one of my professors told us all… stay safe and healthy..
This was a simultaneously refreshing and confounding read for this Monday morning, Terry. There are so many conversational stoppers these days and I struggle to move past them. Your point is such a good one. Also- love the nod with this photo - that character in Good Will Hunting was such a bloviating prick, wasn’t he?! Did Ben’s Dunkin commercial during last night’s Super Bowl inspire that photographic choice?
Great insight. I suppose people use the “narrative” card as a cop out, especially if they don’t really know what they are talking about. I don’t like having “conversations” with people who think they have to WIN. Where every discussion has to be a battle about who’s right and who’s wrong. I want to scream, “Does it matter?” I just want to share thoughts and ideas. But some people like to be right all the time. Even when they are wrong. I avoid those conversations. Unless I’m feeling contrary. Then it’s a whole other story.
100% agree...Sir David Attenborough is a great narrator of nature documentaries which document reality. Various spin doctors and opinionated talking heads are not documentarians, not narrators. Spin and opinion must be recognized for what they are, and for me largely a waste of time.
Very insightful Terry. It definitely gives me something to chew on as I fear I have slipped into this habit. You’re right, it’s easier but not helpful or productive.
Wow. Fantastic perspective. You nailed it. My skin crawls when people use this approach. No matter the situation I take it as acquiescence without thought. Particularly on a professional level. It's counter-productive. I'm not a go along to get along type and have found most people are turned off by reciprocity of dialogue. Perhaps because it's out of their realm of reference, I'm not sure. I love picking brains and vice-versa. Great way to start a Monday Terry! Thank You
PS Happy for Jo's family in Washington even though I'm a Pat's fan! Congrats to The Seahawks!
@Kathleen- yes, I consider it intellectual laziness. We do as a society outsource so much to someone/something else to form our opinions bc we are bombarded with info.
I find so many people don't know how to discuss a point/counterpoint (even here on substack :). People see it as aggression not to agree and it's detrimental that we can't civilly disagree and discuss it.
Maybe the point of information overload IS a factor in lack of a meaningful response, if there is a response at all. While it can be laziness or ignorance, the quantity in addition to lack of quality information can be problematic. I reevaluate my resources from time to time for this reason.
This is all fine and good until you realize you're the only one using critical thinking skills and trying to engage with people who have no respect for anything but their own "narrative".
Bingo! And especially when you try to point out Trump's horribleness and their narrative is " All politicians are dishonest"! No critical thinking required.
Loved this, Terry. So hard to do right now, but that's what makes it worth doing.
This article points out a number of important things and is worth saving to reread from time to time. The skills of listening and thinking have diminished, replacing depth with shallowness. Conversation requires two-way considerate communication and respect for thought beyond one’s own. I’ll stop here and finally comment that you continue to increase my vocabulary!
I'm so dumb that I didn't even know what "The Narrative" referred to!! But now after reading this, I definitely agree. It's really just a cop out.
"Narrative," eh? Why would I waste my time with "the narrative?" If I'm going to argue something, whether for or against, I'm going to be an old fogey and use FACTS, HARD DATA, and equally hard EVIDENCE.
Pardon me for being old fashioned.
No pardon necessary. You make a valid point. I say you're more of a wise owl than an old fogey. 😊
Molte grazie, bella. I have my moments, here and there...
We all do! lol
After the last ten years, I did a deep dive, researching data on the average national IQ. Not surprisingly, the average national IQ is documented as 98. NINETY-EIGHT. I remember when that was considered "mildly developmentally delayed". :/
Thank you Mr. Moran. A thought provoking article. Yes, conversation takes work. It takes all of us to really “listen” not just hear the words. To generate the energy of all our brain synapses to engage in the words spoken and to listen to what people are saying. We’ve become lazy to a degree, we sit in front of a screen and told how to see things, to just hear the words versus the meaning behind those speaking, to really listen and engage in conversation. To stop for a moment and ask for clarification that our physical body used those two ears and the gray matter between them to cognitively understand what their viewpoints are. Find even myself already formulating a response back even before another person is finished speaking. Therefore have already disengaged in the “conversation” because the brain is working in a response from the beginning of their point being expressed. Experts say that the majority of people expressing their point while talking as well as listening is in their body language, believe it’s the 80-20 rule. That 20% of the words are expressed vocally and the other 80% is by their body language just as the listener. If that listener is crossing their arms or not looking at the speaker are they actually listening or just hearing the words making the sound waves move in the air.
Conversation may be an art form that requires both the speaker and listener to practice and become better at being engaged and truly understand each other versus leaning on whatever the “narrative” may be. Thank you for the reminder.
Thanks! You are so right about the non-verbal aspects of conversation. My mom used to tell us not to touch our faces when we talk. “It makes you look nervous.” I have no idea where she got that, but I’ve never forgotten it!
You have a very smart mother, Mr Moran.
Just watch this Bondi hearing and the continued hair flipping Bondi does. If you turn down the volume and just watch her body reactions. When she attacks after reading that 3-ring binder she leans forward, a smirk of a smile in her face indicating a “gotcha moment” possibly in her mind. When performed under stress, hair flicking or touching is primarily a pacifying behavior used to self-soothe and regulate the nervous system. Here is how hair flicking functions as a stress response: A Self-Ventilation Flicks that shift hair away from the neck or ears are often "self-ventilating" actions. This helps cool the body down when nerves are stressed or psychologically uncomfortable. Rapid or jerky hair movements often reflect intense internal tension, acting as a subconscious "mini-therapy session" to channel emotional overload. small, unconscious movements like tapping a foot or biting nails that provide sensory feedback to calm the brain during uncertainty and anxiety. What’s interesting is she knows she’s lying but continues to do so by the body language she expresses from the smirking smile, leaning back and crossing her arms, and the attack body motions when she deflects the Dem questions. She’s a liar and knows it and took an oath to tell the truth before even testifying to this committee today.
Your comment about body language is an important one. Body language is very much a part of conversation but in today's world, how it's conveyed is changed.
Yes as many experts says non-verbal cues carry a lot of meaning for both parties – and it’s important to pay attention to them in any work or personal environment, whether in-person or remote.
For instance, it is not unusual to be on a video call where such rules are forgotten. Yet if a colleague positions their camera below the chin, forcing others to look up at them, “we don't like them as much as if they are on the same level”, says Ridell – the same phenomenon that happens in person. Indeed, data has shown that during video calls, factors like camera angles, distance from the camera and ability to make eye contact all impact how likeable people are perceived to be. And plenty of the components of in-person tacit communication have made their way into the digital realm, too – body language like eye-contact, posture, gestures and facial expressions; as well personal grooming, such as the hairstyles or clothes we choose to wear as well as the backgrounds displayed.
Good non-verbal communication means being willing to share something of yourself, and paying attention to others – much as you might in real life. Developing these skills in the digital world can reap long-term rewards for teams and individuals. “Society now is moving more online and away from face-to-face communication,” says Meurs-Karels. “But the need to be able to understand each other won't go away.”
How 'non-verbal communication' is going digital 2022
https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20221104-how-non-verbal-communication-is-going-digital
THE NEW RULES FOR COMMUNICATING 2021
https://www.dukece.com/insights/the-new-rules-for-communicating/
I think in the digital age, there is a lot to be learned here. I'll admit, I could use a course in this, and I appreciate the links you shared. Many years ago, when I began working professionally in the business world, my manager had me enroll in a course for non-verbal communication. It was extremely useful.
While retired now, taught adults classes on communication skills along with soft skills (emotional intelligence - believe they’re called that now) like problem solving and performance management. It’s always great to learn even when out of the workforce to stay abreast of the new technologies that are afforded. Times just as technology changes but at the core do believe people need to be able to understand each other and the human connection is vital for humanity to not be lost into an abyss.. everyday is a journey and it’s up to us to get up and figure it all out as one of my professors told us all… stay safe and healthy..
👍🏼
Here’s an argument.
Before we rush to rename Dulles International Airport for Donald Trump, we should know the community that was displaced to make the airport.
The recently built Willard Middle School took the time to learn this history and was inspired to use the name of this Black Loudoun community.
https://open.substack.com/pub/jimthehistorian/p/forgetting-willard-renaming-dulles
What a great idea!
This was a simultaneously refreshing and confounding read for this Monday morning, Terry. There are so many conversational stoppers these days and I struggle to move past them. Your point is such a good one. Also- love the nod with this photo - that character in Good Will Hunting was such a bloviating prick, wasn’t he?! Did Ben’s Dunkin commercial during last night’s Super Bowl inspire that photographic choice?
Ha! Loved that commercial, and maybe I was thinking of it subliminally!
Great insight. I suppose people use the “narrative” card as a cop out, especially if they don’t really know what they are talking about. I don’t like having “conversations” with people who think they have to WIN. Where every discussion has to be a battle about who’s right and who’s wrong. I want to scream, “Does it matter?” I just want to share thoughts and ideas. But some people like to be right all the time. Even when they are wrong. I avoid those conversations. Unless I’m feeling contrary. Then it’s a whole other story.
100% agree...Sir David Attenborough is a great narrator of nature documentaries which document reality. Various spin doctors and opinionated talking heads are not documentarians, not narrators. Spin and opinion must be recognized for what they are, and for me largely a waste of time.
Very insightful Terry. It definitely gives me something to chew on as I fear I have slipped into this habit. You’re right, it’s easier but not helpful or productive.
Quiet logic is becoming nearly extinct in our country. Thank you for your thoughtfulness and a mental kick in the shin!
I'm seeing more responses triggered by emotion than logic. Trump world has enabled this.
Wow. Fantastic perspective. You nailed it. My skin crawls when people use this approach. No matter the situation I take it as acquiescence without thought. Particularly on a professional level. It's counter-productive. I'm not a go along to get along type and have found most people are turned off by reciprocity of dialogue. Perhaps because it's out of their realm of reference, I'm not sure. I love picking brains and vice-versa. Great way to start a Monday Terry! Thank You
PS Happy for Jo's family in Washington even though I'm a Pat's fan! Congrats to The Seahawks!
@Kathleen- yes, I consider it intellectual laziness. We do as a society outsource so much to someone/something else to form our opinions bc we are bombarded with info.
I find so many people don't know how to discuss a point/counterpoint (even here on substack :). People see it as aggression not to agree and it's detrimental that we can't civilly disagree and discuss it.
YES! Exactly!
Maybe the point of information overload IS a factor in lack of a meaningful response, if there is a response at all. While it can be laziness or ignorance, the quantity in addition to lack of quality information can be problematic. I reevaluate my resources from time to time for this reason.
This is all fine and good until you realize you're the only one using critical thinking skills and trying to engage with people who have no respect for anything but their own "narrative".
Bingo! And especially when you try to point out Trump's horribleness and their narrative is " All politicians are dishonest"! No critical thinking required.
Yeah, this is the hard work ahead—down the road. After our democracy is secured from that “narrative”!
This is SOOOOOO good!
that’s just THE WAY THINGS ARE !!